Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
should my penis look like a turkey
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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