First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
