If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
