I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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