I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
My liver just had a heart attack.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize