Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
