so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
