i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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