it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
how drunk are you?
Several
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
