your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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