you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
