I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
