I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize