Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
