You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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