She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
