Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
