we're blogging at a bar
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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