He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
