i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
