She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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