Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Alive.
So much puke
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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