I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
