Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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