it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
