i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
