what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
