And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
