Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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