I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
