Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
