i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
