So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
