Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize