I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
