Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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