I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
