She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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