try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
