he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
