I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
