i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
