Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
