Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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