dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize