Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
should my penis look like a turkey
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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