I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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