We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
