How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize