you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
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