escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
