I'm laying in your front yard are you home
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
