I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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