I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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