Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize