she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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