FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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