babies were throwing up all over the place
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
