He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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