I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
