My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Randomize
