Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
