PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
