Heybabeimwearingurpanties
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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