Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
