I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
